Guide to stimulating the prostate
If you’re willing to cast off the old notions that men shouldn’t put things in their butts, and begin to explore the wonderful world of prostate stimulation, then you’ve come to the right place! Even if you aren’t quite ready to move onto anal play, you can still enjoy some level of prostate stimulation. So, read on, and open your eyes to a new world of sexual pleasure!
Locating Your Prostate
The first part of any prostate stimulation is needing to simply find where the gland is in your body. The prostate is around two to four inches inside the male rectum, and sits just below the bladder. All men are different, so how far inside you it is will be very personal to you.
The easiest way to find it is internally, which means putting a finger in your butt. It’s best to start with a finger as it’s quite small and you can flex your joints quite easily to help you search. You usually will only need to put the first two joints inside to reach your prostate.
It is incredibly important to stay relaxed while exploring any kind of anal activity. Not only does it help you to enjoy the process more, it will make it a lot easier. When you are tenser, the muscles in the area also become tenser, so it will be more difficult to insert anything.
Some people like to use music, candles and specific lighting, breathing exercises, or just simply making sure that they are home alone and able to focus fully on the process with no distractions. It’s up to you to find out what works for you, and it may take some experimentation. A good place to start is to simply be in a quiet place, where you aren’t likely to be disrupted.
When you’re ready to start, you’ll need lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate. As it is designed to send things out of your body, rather than into it, you need to use a lot of lube to make sure that you don’t hurt yourself or damage any of the sensitive tissue in the area.
Begin by applying lube to the area around your anus and on your finger. You can start to relax your anus by giving it a small massage. It can feel quite nice to treat it a little like a doorbell. Gently press on the anus with the pad of your finger and then release the pressure. After a little while, the muscles should begin to open, and allow your finger to move inside the opening.
Don’t rush now, as it can take your body a little while to adjust to the feeling of having something inside your butt. It might feel like you are having, or need to have a poo. This is totally normal and should pass after a while. You’ve spent your entire life using these muscles to poo, so it can take a little time for your brain to get used to them being used for another purpose.
When you feel comfortable enough to continue, it is a good idea to use more lube. Usually when you insert things into your anus, the muscles stop the lube from actually getting inside. You want to make sure that the internal part of your anus is also well lubricated. If you find yourself having difficulty actually getting lube into your butt, there are many syringes on the market which are specifically designed to help with this.
With everything lubed up and relaxed, it’s time to start searching for the magic prostate. It is usually walnut shaped, and should feel different on your fingers to the other areas of your butt. Most people will need to have the first two joints of their fingers inside them before they’ll be able to reach their prostate.
It might not feel nice as soon as you find it. Some people might not even be able to feel any difference at all. While a lot of sources will tell you that “you’ll know when you find it”, this isn’t always true for everyone. Don’t worry too much about it, as with some practise you should get there eventually.
Another tip when searching for your prostate is to try to arouse yourself before you begin, and during the process. Much like areas of the female vagina, the prostate grows from increased blood flow during arousal. The more aroused you are the larger and harder it gets, making it much easier to find.
Now there IS a chance that even following all of this advice, you STILL can't find your prostate gland. Unfortunately for some of us, our fingers just aren't long enough to effectively reach the right area. If this is the case for you, the best thing you can do is look into getting a prostate massage toy, or asking someone else for help.
Internal Prostate Stimulation
If you’ve found your prostate, great! You might be wondering what to do now. This is a very personal part of the process. Different men enjoy different things, and it’s up to you to find what aspects of prostate stimulation you enjoy. In any case, there are a few different movements you can try:
- Circular motions around the edge of the gland.
- Varying amounts of pressure on the gland, like the doorbell motion you used on your anus.
- A come-hither motion, like the one described in relation to fingering a woman.
- Moving your fingers in a quick and random motion, trying to stimulate vibrations.
If you find something that works for you, try to remember it. For a lot of people, it will be a very pleasurable, but somewhat weird feeling. For some though, when they first find and try to stimulate their prostate internally, they won’t find any enjoyment from the process. Try not to be put off by this. A lot of people will give up at this point and miss out on the great pleasure you could get from prostate stimulation.
At any point during this process you feel pain, you should stop immediately. The muscles and nerve endings inside the anus are incredibly sensitive, and tearing them is something you definitely want to avoid. Small amounts of stinging or burning, while not as much of a bad thing as pain, should tip you off that something in your process isn’t right. A lot of the time this will be the lube you are using, as some are nowhere near as well suited to anal use. Make sure you research lube properly and pick an appropriate one for your session.
External Prostate Stimulation
If you don’t feel ready or interested in exploring your anus to find your prostate internally, don’t despair! You still have another option to stimulate your prostate. This is done through stimulation of the perineum.
The perineum is the area located between your scrotum and your anus. A lot of people refer to it (somewhat crudely) as the “taint”. This area covers the entire bottom part of your body in a kind of diamond shape, and with correct stimulation you can also stimulate your prostate too.
The most important thing to bear in mind when stimulating the prostate through the perineum is the penile bulb. This is the area which forms the base of the penis, and is contained within your body just above the perineum. If you rub the area of the perineum which is below the penile bulb, rather than stimulating the prostate you’ll just be stimulating the penis instead.
This means you need to focus more on the area closer to your anus. This area should feel a little softer and tender when you press on it. Again, you need to try to find something that works for you. Everybody’s different! Try circular movements, vibration like movements, pressure, anything you can think of.
Much like internal stimulation, it helps a lot to be aroused during an external massage too. As the prostate grows and becomes firmer, the skin you are massaging should also feel firmer.
A lot of men will not experience particular pleasure from this kind of prostate stimulation. This is unfortunately just because you aren’t stimulating the prostate directly. If you find this is you, I’d highly recommend trying internal stimulation as you are depriving yourself of a world of pleasure.
With enough practise, you may be able to reach a full orgasm from prostate stimulation. These kinds of orgasms are completely different to one attained through regular sex or masturbation, and we’ll be discussing them in our article on what prostate massage feels like.