Anal Sex: A Man's Guide to Bottoming
Because anal sex is one of the last taboos and is often considered a forbidden activity, this has only made the act more appealing to a large number of couples. Contrary to what many people believe, anal sex is enjoyed by both men and women of various genders and sexual orientations, so it is truly not just a “gay” activity anymore.
Most men find the activity quite pleasurable, especially once they get used to it, and many of them can even reach orgasm with this activity alone.
Is Receiving Anal Sex Gay?
Both straight and gay men enjoy anal sex, in part because the sensitive nerve endings in the anal area enable the receiver to experience a lot of sensual feelings that you likely didn’t know existed.
There are also many different types of anal sexual activity, from anal massage to anal fingering and even full-blown anal sex. This means that whatever you’re looking for in the anal sexual activity category, you can always find something that will make you happy.
One of the reasons why anal sex for men has become so popular is because it provides a way to get the prostate gland massaged and, therefore, stimulated, which produces amazing feelings and can even lead to orgasm.
Although massaging this gland can result in some very important health benefits – including assistance with erectile dysfunction problems – it is the sexual stimulation that it produces that most men love the best.
The prostate gland is small and located near the rectum, so if you’re practicing anal sex or even anal fingering or massage, it will produce erotic feelings and sensations that are second to none.
Many men start out with massage or fingering, then build their way up to anal sex, which is actually a great idea because anal muscles always start out tight, and you simply need time to loosen them up a little bit before you try having this type of sex.
Because anal sex can be enjoyed by both gay and straight men, it is no longer considered a gay-only activity. Even if a straight man doesn’t go all the way with anal sex, he can still greatly enjoy other types of anal stimulation, and if his genitals are stimulated at the same time as he’s receiving anal massage or fingering, it is very likely that he will experience an orgasm. This is but one reason that anal sexual activity is no longer just for gay men.
Do Gay Men Have to Have Anal Sex?
When it comes to getting to first, second, or third base, the process is a little different for gay men than it is for straight men. However, this doesn’t mean that gay men don’t enjoy a bevy of sexual activities in the bedroom. In fact, gay men enjoy both penetrative and non-penetrative sexual activities that include the following.
Oral sex is practiced by a lot of gay men, and it is sometimes used as foreplay so that both partners are more aroused by the time they get to the sex part.
One of the biggest advantages of oral sex is that you can achieve orgasm through this type of activity, so if you’re not interested in penetrative sexual activity, oral sex is something you may want to try.
Gay men also participate in mutual masturbation, and because the genitals are stimulated during this type of activity, again, both partners can achieve orgasm. Mutual masturbation usually involves holding onto the shaft and rubbing your hands up and down, and it is especially effective when you use lube because it allows for more rubbing and massaging without getting the shaft irritated or chafed.
Frottage is yet another type of activity that is enjoyed by gay couples. This activity involves rubbing the genitals together and stimulating both penises at the same time. Docking involves one man inserting his penis into the other man’s foreskin, but both this and frottage are considered non-penetrative sexual activities for men.
There are many reasons why some gay men may want to avoid anal sex in the beginning, and the most common reason is that they haven’t loosened up the anal muscles yet and are, therefore, afraid of the pain.
All types of anal sexual activity should be taken slow until those muscles are stretched out a little bit, because this is the only way for the receiver – or the “bottom” person – to experience comfort and great sensations while having sex.
Mentally Preparing to Receive Anal Sex
Just like other types of sex, anal sex requires that you prepare yourself emotionally before you begin. This is because without being aroused, all types of sexual activity can be painful or uncomfortable, and this is especially true for anal sex.
One of the things you’ll want to do if you are a newbie at any type of anal sexual activity is to have a long talk with your partner before going any further. Keeping the lines of communication open and talking about what you’re about to do means there will be no surprises later on.
One of the things couples need to talk about is what each partner will and will not be willing to do once the activity begins. Foreplay is important, but you also need to be sure that nothing will happen while you’re having sex that is against your wishes.
Again, this can only happen if you talk openly about everything before beginning any type of anal sexual activity. When you’re preparing your partner for anal sex, you can give him a hand job and even apply some anal fingering and anal massage techniques before the actual sex takes place.
This will immediately get him both aroused and relaxed, and this is important because without arousal, there is no way that a man can be mentally prepared for any type of anal sexual activity.
Many couples also find that watching a good old-fashioned porn movie will immediately get both of them aroused. It is good to participate in some nice romantic gestures as well, including listening to soft music, lighting candles, and sharing a bottle of wine.
In fact, anything the two of you can do to get each other in the mood will help both of you prepare mentally for anal sex, and these things go a long way in helping you get relaxed enough to make the absolute most out of your sexual encounter.
Physically Preparing to Receive Anal Sex
hysical preparation for anal sex is not as complicated as you might think. The main thing to remember is that the anal muscles are naturally going to be very tight at first, so your main job at that point is to loosen them up and stretch them out slowly over time.
You can do this any number of ways, but most people start with a little anal fingering and go from there. If you are interested in receiving anal sex, your only option is to make sure that area of the body is as loose as it can get.
After placing lube on your fingers and maybe even using a glove, you can explore the anal area slowly and by not applying too much pressure at first.
Take your time massaging the external area of the anus first, and when you’re ready you can insert a finger and explore the inner workings of your anal area. Once your anus feels comfortable having fingers inserted into it, you can move up to a butt plug.
Butt plugs are tapered and, therefore, you can insert as much of it as you like before it starts to feel uncomfortable or painful. Again, the more you insert something into the anus, the faster those tight muscles will start to loosen up a little.
After you’re comfortable using a butt plug, you can move up to sex toys. The good thing about sex toys is that they come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and even materials, so you can start with something small and slender and work your way up to something bigger and which will produce the results you want.
Through all of this physical preparation, it is important to take it slowly so that the anus doesn’t tear or become swollen.
Use plenty of lube and some protection, and work your way up to bigger devices that can help those anal muscles stretch and loosen up so that your next step – anal sex – will feel amazing.
Lubrication for Anal Sex
The importance of this stage of the process cannot be overstated. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does, so even if you’ve had anal sex for quite a while, it is still crucial that you use a lot of lube for the process every single time.
If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, it is also recommended that you use a condom, which works much better with lubrication, but even if you choose not to use a condom the lube part is still a necessity.
There are many types of lubricants available, including water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, and even hybrid lubes. All of them will do a great job of keeping the anus well lubricated, so it is up to you which one to use.
The water-based type of lube washes off of pajamas and bedsheets easily, mainly because it is quickly absorbed, but it is likely you’ll have to reapply it more than once during your sexual activity.
Silicone-based lube, which is thick and has a gel-like consistency, isn’t easily removed from bedsheets and clothing. However, it tends to last longer than water-based lubes and won’t have to be reapplied nearly as often.
Most people do not use oil-based lubes for anal activity because of the greasy feel and consistency, but hybrid lubes are gaining in popularity because they are usually a combination of some of your favorite types of lubes.
If you prefer a more natural approach to lubricants, you can even choose to use something such as coconut oil, which has a good consistency and works great as a lubricant for any type of anal sexual activity.
Again, the important thing to remember is that lubes for anal sex are a must, regardless of how long you’ve been participating in this type of activity. If you’re warming up by using a sex toy, you should naturally pay attention to the type of lube recommended by the manufacturer.
Otherwise, you can experiment with different types of lube if you like until you find the one that works best for your needs. Anal sex is always going to be a bit uncomfortable until you’ve stretched out the anal muscles and you use a lot of lube, and this applies whether you’re a newbie or an old pro at it.
Warming up Your Anus
If you’ve never before been the receiver in the anal sex act, you’ll want to warm up the anus a bit first. This should include anal fingering and massage, but before you start with any of that type of activity, you should prepare the anus by making sure it is clean.
Always start by taking a shower or bath, then clean the anal area with an alcohol-free baby wipe. If you like, you can use an enema or anal douche as well, but this is not a requirement.
Many people are concerned that they will have a bowel movement while participating in anal sex, but this is due to the feeling of fullness that you experience when you’re having this type of sex.
Once you start having sex, that feeling of fullness usually dissipates. However, it still makes most receivers feel a lot better knowing that they are clean internally before they begin the sexual act.
Feeling confident is important before you start having anal sex, which is why preparing the anus is so important. If you get yourself thoroughly clean, practice techniques that help you stretch out the anal muscles, and use a lot of lube the entire time you’re having sex, your experience with anal sex should be a good one.
The anus also won’t become too stretched out during your anal play, because once they stretch out to a certain point, they stop and can stretch no further. Therefore, there is no need to worry about the anal muscles becoming too loose.
Stroking the Shaft: Masturbating While Receiving
If you masturbate while you are receiving anal sex, you will climax much quicker. Many men, especially after they become more experienced in anal sex, will orgasm even without stimulation of the genitals, but it happens much quicker when the anus and penis are stimulated at the same time.
Fortunately, men of all sexual orientations love to masturbate, so this is usually a welcome addition to the sex act for all men.
With both penis and anal stimulation, it is more erotic and effective to start out slow and move up to a faster speed once you feel yourself getting more excited. You can use lube on the penis just like you do the anus, which makes all of your stroking a lot more effective.
It also reduces the chances of any chafing or irritation of the genitals, because let’s face it, that can really kill the mood faster than almost anything else.
Creating an erotic and sensual feeling for both the anus and the genital area at the same time is an amazing experience, and it can also result in some mind-blowing, toe-curling orgasms. It also allows the receiver to feel more in control than if he was only receiving and nothing else
Masturbating and receiving anal sex simultaneously guarantees some of the best sex you’ve ever had, but the most important reason to do this is that it brings you to orgasm much quicker and easier.
Best Positions for Penetrating a Man
Although many people think that the doggie-style position is the only way to enjoy anal sex, this is not the case. There are many different positions that allow anal sex to be effective and to feel good, and a few of them are included here:
- Instead of getting up on all fours, the receiver lies down with legs and arms stretched out, and the giver inserts his penis into the anus while laying on top of the receiver. In this position, both giver and receiver are lying face down.
- The “turtle” position is similar to the doggie-style position, except that the receiver lays his chest and face on the bed as well. In other words, instead of getting down on all fours, he only gets “down” on his two legs.
- The receiver can sit in a chair and let the giver, who is standing up behind him, enter him while he’s in that chair.
- Both partners can stand up, and the giver inserts his penis from behind while they both continue to stand.
- The receiver can lean over a table or other piece of furniture face down, while the giver gets behind him and enters him that way.
- Some receivers like to place their hands on the wall for support and bend at the knees – in other words, squat – while the giver enters him from behind while he’s in this position. This one is a little tough on the knees, but it is worth a shot if you have good knees.
- In the “see-saw” position, the giver sits on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him and puts his hands behind him for support. The receiver sits on top of him, facing him, and receives the penis while in this position.
- The giver can lie down on his back, and the receiver can lie on top of him, also on his back, and receive the penis while in this position. Both partners are in a lying down position in this one.
- If the giver sits down in a chair, the receiver can sit on his lap, facing the same direction that the giver is facing, and receive the penis this way. In this position, the partners do not face one another.
- The receiver can lay across an exercise ball face down, and the giver can insert the penis this way. This is actually a very comfortable anal sex position thanks to the exercise ball.
- Spooning is another anal sex position, and it involves lying in bed next to one another, both facing the same direction, and having sex this way.
- The receiver can lie on his back and stretch his legs out, then bend them until the feet reach his head and face. Then, the giver can insert his penis while on top of the receiver.
As you can see, there are many sexual positions that make anal sex a lot of fun. In fact, you can even create some positions of your own, because there is no such thing as getting too creative in the bedroom.
Risks of Anal Sex for Men
Because there are certain risks associated with anal sex, it is always recommended that you use a condom every time you have this type of sex. Even though you cannot get pregnant through anal sex, you can suffer with a lot of other things just like with regular sex.
This includes UTIs, STIs, and even certain bacterial infections. The lining of the rectum is thin, and if you don’t use enough lube it can create tears there, which means some types of infection can get through and cause you harm.
If you have hemorrhoids, those hemorrhoids can be aggravated and made much worse when you have anal sex. In addition, a fistula – a condition characterized by a large tear and swelling – can result when you have anal sex frequently or too aggressively.
Fortunately, all of these risks can be greatly minimized by the use of condoms and by using a lot of lubricant every time you have anal sex.
This is also why it is so important to communicate regularly with your partner when you’re having anal sex. If something starts to feel uncomfortable, you should never feel awkward about voicing that to your partner, because it could mean that something is wrong and that you should stop.